Where to start.....?
Where to start when you start something like this...?
I have no clue now that I've gotten this far.
How do I start this, how do I find my groove thing, what do I want to get from this? These are all very important questions and only I hold the answers. I think, I'm just gonna go with whatever pops into my teeny tiny little head.
I probably need to cover off a few things so we are all on the same page, perhaps I should start with the name of the blog, the reason behind the blog, forget about the *stars* that will appear within the blog, I'm sure it won't take long to get to know them.
The name: FLUSHPAUSAL - one of my oldest friends in the whole world suggested this name without knowing what I needed it for. I love it as it describes me spot on right now.
Am I menopausal.....I don't think so, however, ask me when I'm in the middle of 'flushing' and I'd probably rip your head off so perhaps.....perhaps!
Am I irrational.....I don't think so, well NOT ALWAYS (I say with my heart starting to race and pound in my chest) so.....perhaps.....perhaps!
Oh MY freaking god, I just googled "A Guide to Menopause: When It Begins......blah blah blah", why do I do that......it says most women begin menopause at 47.....argh, that's me, so......perhaps....perhaps!
However, I don't suffer from any other symptoms so perhaps, perhaps it's just going to happen without me knowing.
The age: (my age and reason for this) As mentioned above I'm 47 for goodness sake, how did that happen, where have I been? Was I asleep all that time? Forty-seven! I'm not sure I should be 47. I haven't done anything yet. I really need to pull finger and do!
The reason: The reason, why do we do things? Because we can? Because we want to? I don't know the answer to that either? Jesus, I really need to think this through a bit more perhaps, perhaps! When I first thought of this, I was thinking it would be good to be creative again, it would be good to expand my brain power a bit, it would be good to pretend to be doing something important.
And it could be all mine!
Now the last reason is actually very very selfish of me, why do I need something of my own...because I do, do I need a reason? Do I need to justify to anyone? Being a wife and mother can be draining (as we all know, nothing new there) however, having been a good, an excellent wife and mother I'm now 47 and wondering is that all there is? Are you fucking serious....is that all there is? No, there is heaps more to do out there, I've an amazing husband and daughter who love me to pieces and I love them more but......I need to find me again.....I've been swallowed up with nurturing them and making the 'right' decisions for them first. I can live with that but I now need to do something for me.....SO, here I am, I am going to use this to INSPIRE ME, not you, ME. So if I seem a little self indulgent at times - too bad, because actually it's all about me, me, me, me!
In three years I'll be 50, half a century, life is almost over, my best years will be behind me in every sense so to motivate me to get back the best of me I will need to put up goals that I will have to achieve otherwise you will all think I'm full of shit, which I am most of the time perhaps....perhaps!
I've waffled, I've distracted myself, I've even gone off on tangents that are totally unrelated to what I intended here....but that's what I do, I'm good at it, it's what makes me tick.....talk about multi-tasking.....my brain is constantly multi-tasking... so whilst I multi-task and go and do the dishes as well I'll say see you later for now and hope that in time I have something a bit more interesting, a little bit more entertaining, perhaps even a little bit educational (nah bugger that, nearly swore again!).
I think this journey is going to be a goodie, hang in there with me!
I am the wife of wonder!
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