Where to start.....how to start....?

Okay, well.....today was a day for thinking things through, 

I spent probably far too much time thinking about what I wanted to achieve out of this, 

you know, 

like, 

what do I really really want to get out of it as it's going to take a lot of time and effort and is it going to work....well after today I think I need to be even more committed than ever! I have to be, there is no other way!

First I have to sit down and set some goals. Some real goals, not some antsy fancy totally unrealistic never gonna do it type of goals either! Real goals, achievable goals, I have to try to not set myself up to fail, I have to stop being a dreamer and become a doer! Easier said than done, I know, but from time to time we all need a kick up the backside and well, I kinda got one today....all my own work, I did it to myself.

My day started off okay, not brilliant but okay, for some mental reason (I blame it on my hormones - don't we all? No, we don't? I'm confused I thought we always blamed irrational, stupid, idiotic behaviour on our hormones....oh well, I did, I am...there can be no other reason, had to be the hormones, I'm sure I still have some left) Anyway, I digress.

Today I made the three biggest mistakes like ever....I'm warning you, don't do what I did, DO NOT DO IT! No good will come from it I swear, well not in that moment anyway. In fact you will be angry and grouchy and difficult and you will probably snap everyone's head off for the rest of the day....no, oh, is that just me! Ooops I apologise Mr Wonderful I didn't mean any of it, it's not your fault at all, it was mine, all mine, please forgive me and Girl Wonder, I didn't mean any of what I said, you can have a messy room as long as you like, I don't mind, it's your room, your sanctuary, your safe place, it's not your fault you have a mental mother please forgive me! 

Yeah as if - right!

Anyway I did the following, I don't know what made me do it, I just did and now I have to do something to change otherwise I am a total looser and not in a good way. Why do we do things we know we shouldn't? Today I did the three things on the list we shouldn't do unless we are feeling really really good about ourselves.

1. I looked in the mirror and I mean I really looked in the mirror, who is that woman, she looks familiar, a bit like mum, who is she....OMG she's me, and then....

2. I went to my wardrobe ...argh even bigger mistake. Why do we do that? Why do I do that? Time after time, I never fucking learn! 

But that's not the worst of it, I then did the biggie, 

3. I got on the scales! 

Oh My Fucking God

I freaking did all three! 

Am I mad? What the fuck was I thinking.....?

Time to turn the negative into a positive.

In approximately 979 days I'm going to be 50!

In 979 days I hope that I have lost around 20 kilos, is that even achievable? I don't know, it sounds achievable to me, I will break those down into smaller goals. In fact a first 'real' big goal for me will be to loose 10 kilos by 8 May 2014! 

Now, is that achievable, it's got to be really, doesn't it?

15 weeks to loose 10 kilos. Hmmm, I think I can do that, time will tell. 

Focus, focus, focus that will be my new mantra, instead of chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, more, more, more!